"In that sense, my life, at least the beginning stages, went smoothly. But I had no idea what my life meant, and that kind of vague thought only grew stronger the older I got. What did I want out of life? I had no idea..."
"... But I had no idea at all what I was aiming at, what I wanted to do... There was no principle guiding me, really- it's just that everybody said tat was the best choice."
A Folklore For My Generation, Haruki Murakami.
Recently, I feel like I'm living a very empty life. Looking on the quotes I took from a short story by Murakami-sensei, I hope you guys could understand what I really feel. These days, living is sure a hard thing to do, especially when you do it aimlessly. I don't know what I want, I don't know what I'm able to do. I know nothing. I understand nothing. I want nothing. But I don't want to give up. So I started to do some new activities that probably could tell me what I want. But apparently, it's not that easy.
I could never understand my parents. They forbid me to do those things, and I'm back to my void, empty, meaningless life. I need help. I need salvation. I want somebody or something to feel this emptiness inside. I'm hopeless. I'm desperate. I. Need. Help.